At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
