He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
