i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
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