He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
