Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
