I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
