I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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