just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
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