the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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