So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
