I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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