hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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