you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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