I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
