From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
