Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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