i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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