what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
