to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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