I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
