remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
