do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Mom said you looked used
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
