If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
