I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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