She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
