Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
