I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
