You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
