I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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