I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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