Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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