is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
