All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
