i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
