i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
