I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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