he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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