he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
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