There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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