I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Vodka?
Forever.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
