he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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