If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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