i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
