Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
