need another drink. this is the easiest way
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
