if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
And then he peed in my hair
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