I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
