you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
