Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
third nipple confirmed
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
