first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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