I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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